| Poetry of Lilly Katherine Grier | ||
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Poetry I wrote under the name LKG. All poetry is copyright of Lilly Katherine Grier (me) and may not be reproduced whole or in part without the express permission of the author (me). To reproduce any of this work without premission from the author (me) is punishable by law. 3/26/2003 Two Two in one Both come undone One speaks as the other seeks One searches to find the other to leave behind One wants to run the other to hide Both want all to stop fearing the future when mixed with the past Soon they will end it The fight the struggle against eachother against life against everyone and themselves Two can not live in one mind it’s only a matter of time posted by Faith 5:26 PM REMEMBER Remember those we have lost Lost to death Lost to life Remember those who were once there but who are now gone Perhaps from our sight Perhaps not Remember those who touched our lives Even for a short time Remember everyone we meet Changes are lives Forever and make us Who we are and Will be Remember Don’t forget Keep the memories close the good the bad the everyday things Remember how it is They touched your life What they meant then What they mean now Never forget To forget is to lose them forever To remember is to keep a part of them in your heart with you and never completely lose them posted by Faith 5:25 PM Good Luck Good luck with life Despite the bad Happiness will always come There will always be someone who cares Someone who loves you Someone who would do anything for you Joy will come Good will outweigh bad When you are lost There will be someone there To find you And bring you back Good luck with life Remember never to give up Don’t lose hope Don’t lose faith Don’t lose what is most important To you Forget what other people say It’s what your heart says That matters most Good luck with life Memories will always be there Good and bad Memories are what make us Who we are Feelings Thoughts People Make those memories Never forget anyone For everyone is important People also help make us Who we are Everyone we meet Adds something to us We keep a piece of everyone With us Good luck with life See it through Remember those who have gone Before you What their death teaches you But most of all What their life has taught you posted by Faith 5:23 PM Find Me Wish I could just not deal take a break not fight not heal not work not do anything just be no worries no cares no sickness no mind games no hurt no pain That’s all I need To find me Nothing Nothing inside Everything to hide Make them see Make them believe Hope they find me All is lost Time to pay the cost Find the end Find the answer Find the truth A way out To make it stop Anything Anything Please Let me out posted by Faith 5:23 PM Under the Spell Doesn’t make sense Jumbles Mumbles Nothing there Everything there Can’t say it Can’t think it Can’t make it go away Under the spell of confusion Tears me apart Holds me down Beats me up Fight it Run from it Hope to beat it Never can Under the spell of sickness Kills me So bad Causes tears Causes screams Causes cuts and burns Blood Pills Crashes Hurts so much Fire inside Under the spell of pain Make it stop Make it go away Find me Help me Save me But you can’t I’m lost Under the spell Death Walk towards it Drawn Know what it will do Know it will end everything Forever No going back Welcome it With open arms Finally Finally No pain End Fire burns burn me Water drowns drown me Slashes bleed take my blood Pills poison destroy me Cars crash slam me Ropes hang strangle me Windows jump smash me All death All pain Kill me posted by Faith 5:22 PM See Ignore Sound your victory cheer She’s here You won See what you want Ignore the rest She’s here But she’s gone She’s tired Wants to leave Wants to rest Wants an end See what you want Ignore the rest You keep her When she’s in pain She fights for you Suffers for you Not for her See what you want Ignore the rest She can only live for you Try for you For so long Soon she’ll be gone So see what you want Ignore the rest And say good bye While you can Dreams Dreams can be real Dreams can be dreams They can haunt you They can defy you Dreams Are things of fear of hope of faith of anger of feelings hidden beneath They come from your mind They come from your heart They come from your fears They come from your tears Dreams can be happy Or they can make you afraid They can help you sleep or keep you awake Dreams are something Of so many things Good Bad Pleasant Despairing Things beyond words for things that one dreams there are no words describe They’re never complete The dreams or the words They simply just never seem to end MIND There’s a world in my head That nobody sees Only I can feel it Only I can see it It haunts me It guides me It does not abide me It lives on it's own Yet we live as one It is the future It is the past It is now It is what never was and never will be It is I yet it's another It’s emotions It’s thoughts It’s time It’s fears It’s hopes It’s dreams It’s all that I’m not and all that I am It can harm me It can help me Maybe one day it will over take me and finally it will be Not we But me No Title Never really got to say good bye You’re gone Always thought you’d be there with me Never thought I’d lose you you meant so much Recall all the memories the laughter and tears All the jokes good times and bad run through my mind You’re gone Pain breaks my heart tears stain my face Didn’t get to say it but must say it now Good bye accept it cause You’re gone Stop-Slip stop slip Dream fall remember Hurt forget it all good bye too hard Can’t hold on it’s already gone time pass Less pain at last but can’t see time Blind try to climb stopped slipped Dreamt fell try to forget It ends that’s all Re-Deal Let go No refrain It’s gone Only pain Step back Stop the fall It’s gone Hit the wall Scream Cry Start to heal Let it back Bad move You’ll only have To learn again Re-deal Untitled Light shines through darkness Who I was fades As I become who I am Memories that once brought pain Now bring smiles or remembrance Past pain dulls Present happiness brightens I’m finally me I’m happy to be Untitled It’s been so long sometimes I forget how to laugh smile be happy I worry that it’s all a dream one day I’ll wake up the pain sadness and sorrow will be back So far despite some moments here or there The depression’s gone Slowly I’m opening up Re learning what happiness means how to accept to know who I am Every day’s a struggle but I make it through Finally I’m me posted by Faith 5:14 PM 3/25/2003 Take a breath Count to three and I'll be gone Take a good look for when you blink I'll be gone Trun away for just a moment I'll be gone Count to three one more time there goes the memories posted by Faith 10:14 PM Take my hand Feel how cold There is no life anymore Death is there Just around the corner It grabs at me Grips my mind Beckons me I grow cold Soon I will freeze posted by Faith 10:12 PM Look into my eyes see the pain that lies inside see the emptiness where once lied promise and dreams once there was a friend there now there's just hollow dull emptiness waiting to die posted by Faith 10:10 PM 3/24/2003 Trapped Confusion Pain Endless misery Cut once Twice Thrice Deep Deep Deeper Veins split Crack Splat Pain on the outside Tears on the outside Thank god for once not inside Blood Bloodier Gushing Not stopping One pill Two pill Three pill Handfull or ten more Out go the lights Eternal night posted by Faith 11:49 PM lifeless body floating in the lake skin ice blue eyes wide and blank empty shell of what was hair swirls around bloated face no bubbles above blood swirls around veins split in two gouged deep feet caught in seaweed soon to sink all will be gone posted by Faith 11:39 PM 3/23/2003 The cage sits door tightly shut rusty metal bars no light no key no air no room to move Huddling in the corner No feathers Bent beak Clipped wings Blind folded Perched on a dusty bar A noose around its neck Sqeeking quietly in dispear Wanting to sing Wanting to fly Somewhere far off A clock strikes Freedom rings posted by Faith 10:57 PM Going insane Head screaming Mind flaming Heart raging Anger blazing Wanting an end Begging forgiveness Time will not bend Death by my own hand Screaming till the very last Tears finally dry Final sweet good bye posted by Faith 10:21 PM 3/18/2003 Deeper Inside Her Mind I can’t help but think that somewhere along the line I made a mistake, that all of this could have been avoided. But I know deep down that it was meant to be, that nothing could have changed things. It is simply what, for one reason or another, I deserved. Now I must live with that fact until the end. As time comes to a close, and the end draws near, I find myself looking back at the past. I remember old friends, people who have affected my life, my family, and many more. I think of how much things have changed. Memories haunt me. A past that was never fulfilled becomes the bane of my existence. A future that shall never be becomes my salvation. I deserve is too have all these memories, to constantly think of them, to have all the regrets slap me in the face. I regret losing everything I have lost. Time, friends, the love of family. I regret my mistakes, think of how things could have been done better, done right. All to no avail, for I know I can change nothing. Memories bombard me. The smell of roses, the sight of winding streets lined with houses, the bark of a dog, touch of a loved one long dead, boxes of darkened photographs, hours spent on a phone discussing what seemed so important than but is now so trivial, the way someone smiled, how they touched my life, petals falling from a tree like snow, promises made, sometimes never kept, trust won and trust lost, the sting of a hand across a face, the harsh words thrown out in an attempt only to hurt, the tears shed in frustration, the attempt to make things better only for them to turn worse, the flash of hate in someone’s eyes, the tone of their voice, cutting deeper then they could ever know, tears shed in secret, things done simply to try and help and protect others…all haunt me. All can creep up into my mind, unbidden and uncontrolled to run rampant and once again wreck their havoc. Hopes, dreams, and faith once lived inside this heart, this mind this soul. Once, no matter how bad, there was hope things would get better. There was faith that what was lost could be found. Dreams…so many dreams of what was yet to be. Dreams that slowly became shattered one by one, hopes destroyed, faith lost. All that lies in this heart now is pain, questions, and darkness. No light lurks within, all light went out long ago, slowly, slowly, until nothing was left. No longer is it possible to care, to love, to worry. No longer are dreams dreamed, except for the dream of an end…a dream that is more a nightmare. Everything haunts me as my time draws to a close. Who knows what each day, each hour, each minute will bring until that end. But each drop of pain, each harsh word, tainted voice, and hurt brought to this heart and soul brings me closer to that end. One can only wish that perhaps there will finally be light. But most likely there will only be dark. As long as there is no pain…anything is better then pain. posted by Faith 7:47 PM Scared Alone Mind of confusion Thoughts uncontrolled Feelings unwanted Scared Alone Wanting to run Blocked Locked inside No where to go Slowly disappearing Walking away Leaving everything Behind Far away All good All bad Detached Scared Alone Fears overwhelm Acting No one knows Easy to fool Hard to find Myself I’m gone Scared Alone Can’t be found No one to look Don’t let go Not much farther Soon will all be gone Scared Alone Screams Silent Unheard Nothing left Inside Just Simply Scared Alone posted by Faith 7:46 PM Two Two in one Both come undone One speaks as the other seeks One searches to find the other to leave behind One wants to run the other to hide Both want all to stop fearing the future when mixed with the past Soon they will end it The fight the struggle against eachother against life against everyone and themselves Two can not live in one mind it’s only a matter of time posted by Faith 7:46 PM Inside Her Mind Sometimes I swear they all think it’s a joke. That I would never do anything. Just I’m just pretending, playing a game, getting attention. Damn, if it were that I’d make it stop in a second. They say I cause it, that I can control it. I can? Didn’t know that. I’ve tried. Never figured out how. Someone wanna tell me? Think I missed that class… Maybe they think that because I haven’t done it yet I won’t. Not true. Just by some miracle so far I’ve managed to stop myself. How long that will last I don’t know. I’ve always said you can’t live without hope, faith, dreams, and the will to go on. So what happens when you lose all that? Just give up? Guess I’ll find out won’t I? Sometimes I think they’re right, that I do cause all this and should be able to stop, I’m just too stupid to figure out how. If this is a game, I don’t want to play anymore. I also don’t want people to think I’m a joke. Pain is not a joke. Suffering is not a joke. I however, seem to be a joke. But I’ve missed the punch line, cause I’m not laughing. The joke will be on them when they finally realize I’m not playing games. All of them think this. And I say fuck them all. Let them go about their lives. Live their dreams. Let them think they’ve tried to help. That I just messed up. Let them think what they want. Nothing’s right. Nothing’s wrong. It just is. But I know what they really think how they really feel. Everyone’s fed up with me. Let them be. I’d like any one of them to be me for a day. See how they can take it. Let them be me for a few days. Then I won’t have to kill myself. They’ll do it for me. None of them could take it, and they’d see it’s not a damn joke, not a game, not something I do, but simply who I am. I challenge them. Will anyone take my challenge? I warn you now… you will not understand me any better, for I don’t even understand. Your thoughts will not make sense to you. You will constantly be upset and looking for a way out. No one will understand you; no one will be there for you. You will be alone with your mind, my mind, and it will drive you insane. Sometimes I want to lock myself up in my own mind. Block out the rest of the world and just go insane. Sit in a room all day staring out of windows, living in a world no one else can see. Sometimes ignorance is bliss. When the end is near, what which was once fear is longed for. I’m already dead inside except for the pain. Wouldn’t it be great if I could just make it all go away, just simply be? Not know anything not be anything…just simply exist. Only would existing even be good? Maybe to not exist, and to never have, is the key. But how can I make that happen? Only one way. Come inside my mind sometime. Open invitation. Just walk in. You will be welcomed…as much as I myself am welcomed into my own mind. You will find many things, learn to think many things. You will feel pain, fear, confusion, and frustration. If you’re lucky, you’ll find you’re way back out. But I doubt it. Most likely you, like me, will become stuck in my mind. If you do find a way out, let me know. However, I think I’m stuck. There is no way out for me. Come inside my mind…you’re in for a wild, and painful, time. posted by Faith 7:45 PM 3/02/2003 Mirror Mind/Mirror Dream On the other side of the mirror where real life is watching it try to cross over to the world of wonderful life out of the tortourous shadow of pain and despair Trapped Scream Try to break it moves like water invisible to all but you They find you insane Add more pain This life is all Only a mirror dream Have to break free cry and scream find razor blades cut veins deep Doesn't matter Only a mirror dream They can see you from the other side of the mirror or so they claim They hope to keep you safe "alive" when you've allready died Only a mirror dream So they lock you behind cold doors trap you in drug you up tell you to live there is no mirror only in your head They only lock you further inside your wild mirror mind Pills don't work but they let you free You know the way of the other side of the wild mirror mind Plotting planning day by day knowing you have to escape from this wild mirror mind One last chance one last escape one last smash to the mirror mind OD on pills the ones to make it all go away What's it matter? It doesn't Anything to get away from this wild mirror mind It's only a mirror dream posted by Faith 1:29 AM Haunting dreams life that could have been forever awake until time to finally sleep without dreams insanity creeps pain screams tears streaming no way out posted by Faith 1:16 AM 2/23/2003 i wanna i wanna sleep and never wake up. i wanna crush my life like a paper cup. i wanna count to three and have nothing be left. i wanna flip a dime and when it falls have there be only darkness. i wanna dream and dream and have no reality. i wanna have nothing and everything at the same time. i wanna not have to worry about anything. i want to fall out a window and when i hit the ground feel nothing and see a bright flash of light. i want to fall off a building and fly. i want to hang from the ceiling and swing. i wanna never have to cry again. i don't want this life. posted by Faith 3:39 AM 2/21/2003 Sitting watching life goes by try to grasp it always miss it slips and slides wiggles and glides Glass on the lake reflects what should be Inside the heart bleeds eventually not to beat Tears weep drenching the hand grasping final straws breaking, cracking, crunching till nothing is left Buried beneath green grass bright white daisies wind blowing clouds pass posted by Faith 11:24 PM Alone Cold winter's day Wind beats Snow piles high Tall weak trees finally break Fall to earth No one around To hear the sound posted by Faith 4:44 PM 10/23/2002 Walking down an endless street Everything’s dark Everyone sleeps All alone in the starless night Shivering cold Tear shining bright Facades of the buildings All crumbling apart Looks as though they’ve lost their heart Nothing good left at all Continue on Searching, searching For a way to end This painful walk Been there for years Each getting worse Nothing to brighten the lonely hurtful street Inside heart-wrenching sadness weeps Into the mind desperation creeps Everything must be destroyed Must be escaped At any cost, in any way On the right an alley appears Misty and clouded No clue revealing what’s beyond To stay on the endless street Or take the dusky alley Is a decision easy to make The alley beckons Unknown Still more welcoming then the current path End the endless pain of the lonely walk On a barely there street Turn into the alley And fade instantly Peace? posted by Faith 5:22 PM 10/21/2002 My saving grace In this time and place Isn’t what I’d thought it’d be Old ways Tried and true Fell through Taking a chance Taking a risk So far steady Keeps me here You never know When what will save you Will appear From the oddest places Never seen They can catch you During a horrid dream Keep you stable Buy you time Try to help you to survive If I lose that saving grace If trust is broken If I'm allowed to crash If it proves to be Just not enough I will fall from grace Away from this place posted by Faith 4:17 AM 8/03/2002 This prison you built High walls Stone gates One small cell Without entrance or exit Things inside the cell are crumbling Nothing but rubble Hidden behind those gates Guards outside putting on a false sense of security That inside all is well All is safe posted by Faith 3:32 AM Tell the story sing the song hear the rhyme see no reason Stand on the edge Take a breath Jump Fly free Away from reality posted by Faith 3:29 AM 7/22/2002 The Last House on the Row The lights aren’t on All is dark No place to go Nowhere called home Falling fading A brick wall Tumbling down Buried in the ground Open the solid door No sound So cold The library No lights One book On one lone shelf Open the book Brittle and crumbling Yet new Secrets of the past Burn pages of the future Bright flames burning low Slowly going out Till the story’s end Comes thousands of pages Too soon In a back room A bird trapped in a cage Night falls on it’s wings Rusty metal bars No air No key Clipped wings Blind folded eyes Noose around it’s neck Perched on a bar Not knowing what's next In the kitchen A box in a cabinet Nothing inside Dust on the outside Upstairs now Many rooms Only one unlocked On the table By the bed Seven bottles One of vodka A light turns on Sit down On the chair Reach for the table The final fall from grace Curtains close Take a bow The audience In the dark Slowly depart posted by Faith 3:18 AM One by One and Five by Five You there Come with me Step inside and see My intricate mind tapestry To the left you see my past All shadow cast Dark and merciless When I walk they haunt me All at once And one by one Just beyond, where you can’t quite see? Those are the good memories Over there to the right? Dreams that never saw the light They were attacked till there was nothing left Now they lie As if in graves I see them every time I pass Over there a bit ahead? Those are things that live in my head Fantasies and things unreal Nothing my conscience self Ever would reveal When bored or scared I think of them They’re five by five When my mind plays tricks I think they have substance A bit left of center Five by five Are my dreams Bright and flowing I wonder if they will ever Be complete There…. Right there… You see? Those are my nightmares Things that would kill me Along with my past They conspire To take over And set a fire In that corner Far away Is reality A place where I don’t often play Something stops me From getting in The colors just aren’t as bright As where my fantasies and dreams alight Everything in the middle Is kind of muddled It is where everything combines It makes no sense Left to right Right to left Up and down One by one And back again A small distance up Can you see? It’s a very dark space… Where I can’t see My mind has set me a trap It plans to destroy me Won’t show me the map But maybe if you have a peek You can tell me what it says Then once I have it’s plan My mind I will be able to defeat And I’ll be able to stay alive I hope this tour Had not got you tired Just outside there is a chair I think they’ll let you rest there I never get to rest I keep moving…. Afraid of when the shadows and the dead Will catch up and greet me Causing the end Go outside now You must run The shadows are coming I will stay here in my mind It may not be safe But it is mine posted by Faith 3:17 AM 7/17/2002 The End of Lady Lazarus Lady Lazarus Never rose from her grave she was consumed by the pain Empty inside Filled with confusion Riddled with doubts Never able to live up to Unreal expectations Her writing shined brighter told more Then her spoken words ever did Happiness gained Came with too much expense Side effects and consequences Finally in one final blaze She attempted to rise above through death She would finally live Now below the ground her spirit soars above finally free posted by Faith 11:03 PM |
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